Why Do We Even Have Laws, Anyway?

Mitch Charrington

First, a little backstory: I've come into a little money ever since I became an investor in the companies we cover, so I decided to splurge a little on a yacht. Almost immediately after I christened the S.S. Unpaid Blogger, a gun-toting needlenosed government bureaucrat thug from the Department of Homeland Security informed me there were some problems with the paperwork, unpaid taxes, yadda yadda, etc. Anyway, I wasn't allowed on to my own boat just on account of more government red tape. As a rich white male, I've never encountered such hostility from the government before, and as such I am outraged.

Anyway, that got me to thinking: why do we even have laws in the first place?

Look, I'm a creature of startup culture. There's all these dumb laws startups have to obey that are stifling innovation: outdated privacy laws, anti-monopoly regulations, taxes. I say we should just get rid of those laws and let the future Facebooks of the world do whatever they want.

Everyone knows the patent office is messed up, so let's just abolish it altogether. Taxes? Pfft. Who needs them? Disruptive startups are making government services obsolete by the minute. Take, for example, the new startup Outbox, where for just five bucks a month a guy will comes to your house, take your mail, scan it, let you look at it on the internet, and also deliver it back a few days later. Simple and efficient. Why the hell do we still have that dinosaur known as the Postal Service lumbering around?


Let's face facts: America is obsolete. Laws are obsolete. I don't want to get all "political" here, but if these United States were a startup, it would be MySpace, which isn't a startup. Look, I'm not good at metaphors, ok? Point is, if America was a startup we should be looking for a bigger company to acquire it. In the absence of that, we should just try to start over, like the new Justin Timberlake era of Myspace.

Call it America 2.0: a land where startups can roam free, there's no stupid laws, and I can have my boat back. Once we take our country back and refresh the tree of liberty, we can start drafting a new Constitution using a combination of Wikipedia and reddit technology, which is inherently more democratic than what we have today. Changing the constitution would be easy and instantaneous, no more waiting years and years for new amendments to pass by two-thirds of congress and state legislatures or whatever. No more bloat, no more inefficiency. It would be a glorious, digital utopia. Who's with me?

Mitch Charrington is the co-founder of Tech News Rumor Insider.