Leaked Memo Reveals Google Store Plans

Google StoreTheresa B. Clarke
We have obtained a special top secret memo floating around Google that list's the tech giant's plans for its upcoming physical store locations, and from the looks of the things it looks like the Google Stores will be very exciting places to go to. Here are some of the more interesting points:

  • Each Google Store location will feature a ball pit
  • Special kiosks where people can perform Google searches
  • Lava lamps EVERYWHERE
  • Payment only accepted through NFC-enabled Android devices with Google Wallet
  • Frequent appearances by beloved Google Maps mascot Pegman
  • Bathrooms will be referred to as "YouTube Poops"
  • Lots of colorful balls and shit
  • Special Google Play section where people can buy or rent physical versions of movies, TV shows, books, and magazines
  • 3.14159265359% discount for shoppers who link their Google Store purchase history to Google+
  • Android tablets & phones arranged alphabetically by manufacturer name so as not to show favoritism. Devices from Google subsidiary Motorola are chucked into an unmarked barrel so as not to alienate partners
  • Store logo will be replaced every once in a while to reflect that day's Google Doodle, at great expense
  • Half of store space will be dedicated to Google Cubes
  • Google Newstand where customers can pick up a physical newspaper cut together from other newspapers
  • Initially planned for malls, Google Store will expand to standalone car dealerships by 2017 when the self-driving cars go on sale
  • Small operating room where users can opt to have Google Glass technology surgically implanted into their brain
  • Music streamed through giant Nexus Q in center of store that scans everybody's Google Play Music playlists and finds a song everybody can agree on
  • Back room where customers over 18 can look at image search results with SafeSearch off